Questions with no Answers

My new work mate while working from home.

I might have a dream job. At least, it comes as close to a dream job to me as it can be. But could I ever imagine to tell my employees that we don't have work anymore? And not because of my mismanagement or a bad season. But because of a global crisis no-one could foresee.
That  must have been one of the worst days in my working life. The crisis is not only giving the company a hard time. It puts workers close to personal bankruptcy.

And worse it can get. For half of our company, all is just business as usual. Animals have to be fed and taken care of. Summer employees have to be found and contracts written. Although there will be a clause in each contract that a job is only provided if the circumstances get better again. So where to start? What to do today and what to postpone?
When will we get new restrictions? What about all our projects we had planned? Should we go on with them? Postpone them or even cancel?

When will life ever be like before again? Will it ever be like before? It is not often, I have as many questions in my mind. Questions without an answer. I don't like to guess, I don't like to think too much "what if". But now my whole life is paused. What should I spend my energy on?

The other day, I got myself a new couch. In the middle of the crisis. Because I needed a change. A friend of mine commented on me spending money. My answer was humorous but yet serious: "If I might loose my job, I need at least a good couch to spend my days on". It sounds ridiculous. But it is as close as never before. I might not loose my job. But if we cannot open our park this summer, it is very real that I have to work short-time myself. The thought scares me. It's not that I couldn't imagine training dogs all day long. But money needs to come in. And how to be a manager while only working part-time?

So many questions, and no answers. We have meetings, talking about a future we don't know. We make plans with timelines which will never happen. And still, life cannot just stop. Work cannot just stop. If we all stop to be optimistic, we are lost.

That's why I go on as before. I don't ignore the crisis. I work from home, I keep a distance to people I anyways don't see. But I cannot believe that this lockdown will last for months. Really just because the thought is too scary to me.